Cilantro and Cherries

Six weeks ago I met someone, Homeboy I shall call him. There were good times and bad times. But it always seemed more difficult than what I thought it should be. And yet when we were together, things made sense to me. The rest of it didn’t matter when we held hands. He made me laugh. I made him laugh. It was fun. Then when we weren’t together, my history told me that when I didn’t hear from him for  a couple days that he was on his way out. And when I did hear from him, even though it made me laugh or smile usually, my brain started dissecting the meaning of the word the. I hated being like that. The other morning on my way to work, I compared whatever stage we were at in this whole thing to the annoying, itchy, questioning if it was worth stage my tattoo was in at the moment. Except, I know my tattoo is worth it.

Fast-forward to last night, after a difficult couple of weeks at work and with him, I get a hey lets be friends text. Actually technically speaking, it was a hey lets be friends; maybe someday I’ll be interested enough in you to date you. Right! He claimed I had out-awkwarded him, but um no, with that one comment he got the crown of the most awkward shit to say. However, since I’m me, I called him out on it with my own brand of sass. There was no way I could be more awkward than him, so I sassed him up with, “Dude, you saying someday here, is like me saying someday I’ll like cilantro or cherries.”

We exchanged texts for the rest of the night. We agreed to be friends. I don’t know how things will continue to play out with him. But I do know I will be okay and someday isn’t an option now. There is relief and sadness and irritation and anger and happiness; basically your garden variety of emotional clusterfuck. However, since I agreed to be his friend, I will be as an amazing friend to him as I am to all my other friends. Seriously, all my friends who know about the situation and the newest development has now threatened to kick his ass or something similar. So really, it is for his benefit that I agreed to be his friend.

Still it’s strange to think about. Something I had so much hope for at one point in time is now completely dead. However, there is something new and different that could be good. I’m not quite at the hopeful stage of being friends with Homeboy. He could surprise me once more and turn out to be a really good friend though or he could have run out his surprise quota and turn into someone I regret meeting. Only time will give a detailed explanation of how I end up to be okay.