Two years ago I was literally driving across the country to move to the east coast. I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have a place to live. But I had a person and a cat. Exciting, no? Okay, well it was quite terrifying, and whilst the past two years haven’t necessarily been terrifying, it has been stressful. And it feels like this week the shit hit the fan. It should also be noted at some point, so why not here, that every two years, I feel the need to change jobs. I think the longest place I’ve held the same position was for 2 and a half years.
Despite the stress of mostly being the sole financial provider for my small family, I have support at work and at home. I know that on the other side of the country there are loads of folks who are in my corner. And yet the change in seasons from summer to autumn always makes me antsy. I long for upheaval and adventure. The unknown has all the lure of a piece of dark chocolate on my period. It’s wanderlust at its finest. I remember even last year I was wanting something to change, even though I was still recovering from making all the changes at once when I moved to the east coast. Usually it hits its peak in November, but this year it was triggered early.
Both my bosses/the reason why I took my position at my agency were talking about finding jobs that were more compensating. Then one of them announced she’d rather leave than continue working for the agency. So, she was going to leave at the end of the month. I had started to feel the weight of the length of drive and the lack of compensation for said drive. It doesn’t help that I have had an increase of job openings emails advertising quite a bit more than what I’m making at the moment. I had begun feeling the tug of wanting a change.
THEN! This week they announced the replacement for my beloved boss. Was it my other boss who deserves the position? Knows and respects the staff? Not to mention knows how to handle us? Not to mention again that she’s familiar with our clientele? Oh no. No no no no no no. Why would they make the choice best for the staff and clients?! Why would they make the decision to hire someone who has done her time, when they could hire someone who is a heinous bitch and lacks people skills. (Which is ironic giving the service provider line of work we’re in.) And suddenly I was pushed over the edge with my desire to run away.
I came to my current agency broken down and worn out. I took a job that wasn’t offering the most money, because I needed my bosses. I needed the environment they created to recover, learn and find my way again. I knew that as long as my bosses stayed at the agency, I would be loyal to them, despite the drive and lack of compensation and general ridiculousness of working at a community mental health agency. Oh and also, they told my boss not to come back for her last 2 weeks. Granted she’ll be paid for them, but still… Fuck you guys!
This circumstance collided with my natural increase in wanderlust and the 2 year itch, turning it into a 2 year rash. Yikes. That sounds bad, but I’ll let it slide mostly because yesterday was Friday the 13th and it’s a time celebrate graphic, slightly disgusting images. So I’ve had increasing anxiety and restlessness happening. And also, a couple of family members have been having some quite serious issues, medical and otherwise. And there’s not a mother fucking thing I can do about it, except pray as a person of faith. And it sucks. A lot.
So to take the self-pity dick out of my mouth (thank you writers of DeadPool2), I woke up this morning when I couldn’t force myself to go back to sleep and my brain started thinking about all the things. I decided it was time to rearrange the living/dining room area. Nothing had really moved since we moved in. I mean, my person and I rearranged the bedroom last year. But nothing in the main area. With the change in furniture, the anxiety has subsided. Granted the cat as been yelling at me since he ventured out of the bedroom after everything was moved, but cat needs to understand, it’s not a personal attack against him. I still don’t know what I’m going to do about my job and my finances won’t let me go anywhere right now, but at least my couch moved and is now facing my favorite part of my living area.
singlechristianbich 