FINALLY!!!

I saw The Force Awakens last Wednesday, but with all the hoopla about Christmas etc, I feel like I can now write about it. Also I needed time to process what I saw. Thus, finally, I put words to what I’ve experienced and seen.

Recently, I have struggled with balancing hope and reality and what has been. Lets just say, hoping isn’t necessarily my thing. Catastrophisizing, now that I’m excellent at. You have a semi-bad situation? Well, let me make the worse possible scenario out of it.  I’m pretty sure in some circles that’s considered a super power, and I need to find said circles so I could be their leader. When I saw the first trailer for The Force Awakens, my super powers took over at the small glimmer of hope. I forced myself to remember how much hope I had for The Phantom Menace and looked how well that turned out.

After the first trailer came another trailer. And then the first trickling of reviews, which weren’t bad. But still, episodes I through III were in the forefront of my mind so I didn’t get my hopes too high. I then read a friend of mine’s review, and since he’s a huge geek, I trusted his opinion. He said it was the movie he had been waiting for since The Empire Strikes Back. Huge, right? It was when I read this that I let the hope exist within my heart. It was similar to those times when you’ve been unsure about a new person in your life, and s/he does something to make you realize s/he isn’t going to suddenly sprout horns and a tail. Still though, I kept my expectations to a minimum as I entered the cinema.

Resisting the urge for any spoilers as most people don’t like them… Then the credits rolled. And I was NOT disappointed. I was relieved. It got to the point where I was a bit giddy. Also, suddenly, I became excited for the upcoming films. I’d love to go on about what I think will happen, but I’m trying not to be that dick. So, I’m going to end this now. And if you haven’t seen it yet but want to, do it!

Habit This

So, I’m staying with the biggest asshole in suburban Seattle. Yeah, he’s a dog, but he’s an asshole. i love him for it though. We have a symbiotic relationship. I’m a messy eater, and he cleans up my mess. It is a bit unnerving when he sits there smiling at me as I try to eat like a grown up. I feel he’s more a mythic fox than random yellowish dog. Right.. the point… I’m at my friends’ house, and rather than sitting on the couch directly in front of the TV, I’m sitting in the chair looking out the window.

Habits. Sitting in this chair is habit. Not a bad one mind you, it’s just weird to think I’m alone and sitting to the side of the TV. I’m also in the habit of watching shitty entertainment. It’s rather bizarre to see things on the television I know I would enjoy far more than Amy Adams singing. And yet, all I can say is go Disney. I would definitely label this as a bad habit, if I had to put a judgment on it (and I do). Actually, this film isn’t the worst one. I’d say as far as princess Disney movies go, it ain’t so bad .

I’ve also realized, I need to get back into the habit of writing. I mean more than the blog. I love writing the blog, but I also want to write creatively. I may “need” a way to escape the horrors of my workday. Fine, fine, fine, perhaps HORRORS is too strong of a word. But I keep dreaming about work and I am not okay with that. I feel as though if I were creatively writing on a regular basis, my dreams would revolve less around the asylum. (hahahaha Just kidding, I don’t work in an asylum at all. They’re totally free to come and go.) Also, I’ve been dreaming about one co-worker in particular… she keeps bossing me about in my dreams, but in real life she’s a lovely person and never tells me what to do.

Speaking of things I want to get back into… actually exercising may do me a world of good. Sweating. Moving. Etc and what not. I don’t need to expand on the benefits of exercise. We’ve all drank the Kool-Aid and bought the Nikes. (Yikes. I’m putting that one out there for the world to see? Awkward.) Right. Where was I? Healthy habits such as exercising. See… I prefer to enjoy the food I eat and not have it taste like its packaging. But that’s just me. And I’m more willing to do that when I’m sweating like one of the background folk in a Richard Simmons’ video.

Excuse Me Whilst I Stand on this Soapbox

I finally saw the new Avengers movie last night. Do you know how many previews for upcoming films I saw? Probably, five or six. Do you know how many of those films was an original idea? ONE! I also saw an advertisement for a scripted show about behind the scenes of a reality show. Seriously… What the hell is happening to American entertainment?

Don’t get me wrong. I’m excited for upcoming films. I mean Jurassic Park looks like it has fantastic special effects, and Paul Rudd is Ant Man for fuck’s sake. I cannot wait for those movies. FYI The Fantastic Four remake looks better than the one that came out when I was a kid. So, it’s not as though I’m down on all remakes and book/comic based films. It’s just that I’m sad over the lack of creativity coming from Hollywood.

I know I’m not the only one who feels this way. There are Youtube channels dedicated to such things. Yes, that’s my range of knowledge… Youtube channels, but you get the idea. (You can find anything on the internet. That’s not it. Right. Hollywood is sucking with original creativity lately.) The Hollywood remake is nothing new. I mean there were two versions of Love Affair/An Affair to Remember within twenty years. But at the same time, new material was being produced.

Here’s the thing about the non-remake/non-sequel/non-based on reading material film, it was an Adam Sandler movie. (And we do a collective eye roll and/or sigh.) I know people give Adam Sandler a lot of shit about his films… A LOT of shit. But as I drove away from the cinema thinking about the lack of originality, I realized at least Adam Sandler was producing original stories, albeit formulaic much of the time. (Also, minus Grown Ups 2).

Don’t get me started on Disney doing live-action versions of their classic films. Fuck you Disney. You’re a cartoon company. Anyone else creeped out by the live-action version of Mickey Mouse? No thank you. No wonder indie films are becoming more popular, because that’s where you have to go to find an original idea for the most part. Obviously, at the moment Hollywood isn’t in jeopardy of dying. Damn comic book movies and sequels and remakes. But eventually, they’ll run out, and then… Adam Sandler will be their savior. And the slope of Hollywood’s downfall will get significantly steeper. OR I could stop being such a pessimist.

There is. Another. Skywalker.

Happy Star Wars day people who enjoy good things such as quality entertainment and life in general. Now, if you’ve read my blog for any length of time or have encountered me in another format, you know I don’t need a special occasion to let my geek flag fly. And it’s not just one brand of geekiness either. Sci-Fi, Fantasy, Comics as long as it’s good, I’ll partake. Hell, even if it’s not that good but I’m bored, I’ll be down for geeking out about (insert something you can geek out about).

May the Fourth though is a special day in geekdom. It’s a play on words celebrating the best sci-fi franchise (excluding the early 2000’s fiasco). And now let the debate begin. But I don’t think you can beat the nostalgia factor for people in my age bracket and older. My brothers introduced me to them. They taught me how to geek out about Star Wars. I’m not always grateful for my older brothers, but when I am, it usually involves something to do with Star Wars. So, today is just a time to be grateful for family and Star Wars.

There are things about the original trilogy that get under my skin, such as Leia telling Han to hold her in Return of the Jedi. Up until that point she has been such a strong character, and then suddenly, she needs a big strong man to hold her. Granted, she did just get quite the bomb… she made out with her brother. Yikes! Oh and also the man who has been trying to kill her for years, is in fact her father. Darth Vader is a great character but kind of a shitty villain. However, it’s the stuff  making him such a good and interesting character that makes him such a shit villain. I really like my villains to be bad and committed to their cause. Another issue is the lack of racial and ethnic diversity and the big time stereotyping in the orig trig. It’s really self-explanatory. Also, if you ever read the fun facts on IMDb about Star Wars, you’ll realize just how big of a douche George Lucas is.

Even as I type this blog dedicated to mostly Star Wars, realizing I have more to say about this story than I do about my thoughts for the future, I’m watching Return of the Jedi. It’s a long story why I’m watching it. But I also need to mention, it’s the original theatrical release, not the George Lucas having a CGI ejaculation on screen version. That’s all I have to say about that.

Now, it’s time to look to the future. Did anyone else get tears in their eyes with the shot of Han and Chewy in the last trailer? Because not only did I about wet myself, there were serious tears of excitement. Not that I was crying… Just watery eyes. I don’t want to get my hopes up. I still remember how disappointed I was with Phantom Menace and When Clones Attack… I mean Attack of the Clones. Shit. I just had to look up the name of Revenge of the Sith. Actually that one was pretty good. I felt a bit redeemed.  But you get the point, gut wrenching disappointment. However, from what I’ve seen of the Force Awakens, it looks like my soul won’t be crushed with disappointment. And that’s what scares me most.

FYI I saw a pictograph of Warwick Davis and Carrie Fisher on set, and Warwick looked like a child. So, did she for that matter. Sigh. Time goes on. Also, I think this is a screaming example of why I can’t get a date.

Ruminations of a Crazy Romantic Realist

The other night I had a dream about my ideal man. He had dark hair with light brown eyes. His skin was the color of light shining through an Americano when poured down the sink because it tastes like ass, and he had a 5 o’clock shadow. He was about 6 foot. I’m almost positive he was wearing clothes, though I can’t tell you what said clothes were. And when we talked he made me laugh and vice versa. In my dream, I’m thinking this is THE GUY. He is perfect. I’m pretty sure God made him to be with me. Then ever so gently with his huge hands, he grabs my face. (Picture The Beast grabbing Belle’s face in Beauty and the Beast minus the claws and fur.) I have butterflies in my stomach because I know he’s about to kiss me (Think Ariel and Eric in the rowboat scene in The Little Mermaid). And seriously… that’s the second Disney reference I’ve made. What the hell is wrong with me? (Pause to consider the answer.) Okay, now back to the dream. So, he is about to kiss me, and I know it’s going to be awesome because he is in fact  perfect for me. Then right before the big moment, I realize I’m dreaming. The epic kiss doesn’t happen due to reality encroaching in my dreams! Of course he’s ideal, because he’s coming from my subconscious… duh. As much as I tried to recapture the moment, I couldn’t.

Even in my dreams I couldn’t allow myself a moment when I let the possibility that my ideal could exist. I woke up with a combination of butterflies left over from the pre-kiss excitement in the dream and the disappointment that it was in fact just a dream. I’m almost positive I was a bit angry too at the whole situation, which is probably (totally) me projecting my negative feelings about my present state of singleness. And it’s not even that I am completely miserable as a single person. There are loads of aspects of being single that I adore such as the ability to take up an entire king size bed myself and doing what I want when I want without checking in… just to name two benefits of the singe life. However, not even having marriage as a choice right now, because of lack of quality, eligible men for me, sucks major dick. Especially, when you’ve (I’ve) been told multiple times the person talking to you (me) feels like God really someone good in store for you (me). 1) If God has a fella in store for me who sucks, I’d be really pissed. and 2) Hearing this does not encourage me at all. It does however make me wonder where the hell is said chosen good guy and why didn’t I meet him before my biological clock started ticking for children I don’t want.

So, as I take up the entire king size bed myself at night listening to bummer love songs, I can still see dream guy’s face in the moment right before I realized it was all a dream. On one hand, it makes me wonder (with a dusting of hope) if said guy truly exists even though I’ve never seen him before but in this dream. On the other hand, I rationalize that most people don’t dream about their spouses before they meet them. And if they do, they don’t stop the dream because it’s not real. It’s almost enough to make me wish that I didn’t have the experiences in my life to make being a romantic feel stupid. Those rose colored glasses seem like blissful fun… like when I think about moving to Ireland after I’m finally done with my master’s. (I would like to point out that I haven’t made any more Disney references in quite a while.)

As I think about the fella from my dream, if he is real, he’s probably a morning person and would be freaked out my “creative system” of organization. And since it is the reality of my dream man I’m discussing now, he’s probably just able to drink in America (now that I’m in my 30’s I’ve decided that being able to drink anywhere in the world is now an age requirement) or about to retire. But perhaps tonight is the night, I’ll be able to recapture the moment in my dreams with him, and maybe this time I’ll let it be even though it’s a dream because it’s the only action I’m getting at the moment.